‘I love you’ rings in my head

Thinking of how many times I’ve heard them

Those words, they appear in me now and again

Whether you’re here or some where

‘I love you,’ rings in my head

Girl Power, Equality, and A Note to My self

How much more is there to #girlpower than #hipsdontlie? That’s what all these things you do tell me. But you can accuse me of having a narrow point of view, still.

What do you really mean to say? That you’re confident in yourself and abilities; that you have that dignity that is becoming of a human being regardless of wealth, sex, or status; that you enjoy your femininity without needing to ‘flaunt’ it, happy in your own skin…

To compare yourselves with men in the typical fashion that you do is not wise. There is no basis for comparison. You are different. You have uncommon grounds. But you are equal in dignity … .

A good way is this: if women’s’ golf brings in more money than men’s, women should earn more. That is justice. As you ask for equal treatment from the organisers, ask from the fans too — and for more fans. Move the market better; earn it; play fair; grow.

There is nothing wrong with ‘inequality’; nothing unjust about it. It’s just the norm in nature. What you might want is fair play and your dignity untrampled.

Why complain about inequality; give a clear principled reason for better treatment, and potentially expose insanities.

Emotional driven justice is not just by nature. Statistics driven justice is not just by nature.

They say that it is unjust to pay a man for more than, or less than, the value of the work done. But if you pay more, that is better: industry revenues and norms, owner benevolence, some special arrangement like profit sharing etc are reasons to pay more. How can you justify paying less?

Again, what do you mean by girl power? Is it about the fact that hips don’t lie?

Will her tummy not go back in?

He being the only one to behold and ‘appreciate’ the whole natural glory of her body, there might have been a feeling of resignation in his words, “I am stuck with the daily sight of this awesome woman whether or not she retains her shape after childbirth.”

Yet this same man, if not his wife, would likely be wanting another baby in about three years. And both their parents might ask questions if their second grandchild from the couple appears to be coming late. Three years is late already. 

The times are changing though.

But what does a man do if his wife ceases to be eye candy for him in the sense of eye candy, lust apart.

Now he doesn’t mind his wife getting fatter or fleshier (he is properly African, afterall), it’s just the protruding tummy. A little is okay, but not ‘that’ much. Yes, he knows he’s going nowhere, and that, by principle; hence, the sign of resignation in his jocular lament. 

Is there more for him to do than to encourage her nicely and out of love…. He has settled with the plot he chose to build his home in, like a real, mature, man on that front. Even if he married her for her body, he is married to her, and that counts for everything. Commitment is love.

I hope it is not that you are comparing your wife with other women. There’s no basis for comparison really: she’s the wife, so the others are not. Besides, their bodies and  histories are different. Ah, he just wants his hottie back (as if she had been away).

But what does a woman do, think, say. Particularly if ‘the one’ is almost making a fuss? Maybe he’s not.

He still likes you to look pretty that way in his eyes. Throwing tantrums like a spoilt child. He is crying over spilled milk, you don’t have to join him. Things would go from good to bad if you felt sorry and sad for what came beside that bundle of joy, your baby. And what if the fattening came by itself? Haha, the blessing of marriage. It is something to laugh about.

You have a little belly sir. I know. It’s nice, isn’t it. My wife loves to rub it. Hmm, why don’t you rub hers? …It doesn’t work both ways man. That’s like stand the earth on its head; unimaginable.

He wants you; only you. Not some other woman, however flat-bellied, tight and shapely, well-sized where it matters, fresh looking, and totally tantalising in a bikini she might look. Em, okay, I’d like think that that is true. It’s comforting at the very least.

But he looked … Haha, you would catch some men giving mannequins a second look. Not funny though, if it happens more than once. He might be trekking towards losing the plot, so a smack and a reminder might be helpful. Whack! What? “I’m helping you stay focused on what matters: me.” He has a sense of serious humour.

So some women delay marriage and childbirth because of ‘fashion.’ …. Some opt out entirely. A friend says she wants only one, for whatever reason. Many others say ‘what the heck’ and trudge on, walking barefeet and free. 

Her home is now a gym, because biology often needs help. Regardless, he’s a pillar that will always be there. Kind of like God in a way. I love you; I know it everyday.

Duty: A way to the lasting marriage

Recently, I watched a PragerU video love needs laughs. It talked about the helpfulness of shared laughter in ensuring long-term marital survival; which got me thinking again about some African marriages that lasted with little of this great ingredient and others like intimacy etc.

It seems to come down to duty. Beyond the duty of a wife to her husband, and of a wife, being a wife; and beyond also the duty of a husband to his wife (or wives), and of a husband, being the husband, there is the duty to self that says that ‘I am married.’ This is at the root of the duty to marriage that serves to keep the family regardless of many imperfections.

Of the various motivations (cultural, religious etc) to make marriages work, this imbibed ideal is key to keeping marriages. It is easy to imagine that more fundamental motivations need to be at work for arranged marriages to work. While they don’t always work, one still wonders why a lot of them do. And I think it is about a certain perspective of duty to ones married status, and not just to ones marriage.

There is nothing about pride or shame in it; it’s just about an ideal that is accepted as ideal, and thus performed. For many couples, they keep it through many pains. And when they get too old, they look back with whatever emotions they choose to hold, satisfied at the very least that they kept the ideal, without necessarily realizing that self-pat on the back.

PS: incomplete thoughts

Pictures of a Woman

Spirit and essence
Not as that of a man
Salient presence
With the mammary glands

Mother nature
You contain man
Soul Incubator
No woman, no child

She has that pose
Ornament of adipose
Hips, laps, and smile
Equal of man
And his drug
Spirited poetry
All she is and does
Her walk and words

Gathering potential
As a glacier
Into an avalanche
Superheated steam
And a calm
She wells deep within
Volcano in rapture
Lava passion

He may be stronger
But she can talk
Argue with her?
She has oral brawn

Bones that are different
That she walks in sways
That makes man praise
The vision of her
Saying that this is she
“Flesh of my flesh,” maybe
Stranger, sister, mother
We hail your Maker

Women Surely Need Many Shoes

For him, one shoe fits all;
All his suits fit one shoe.
He looks at it, he smiles;
Well polished, it looks great.
His mood doesn’t matter,
And he walks out.

For her, many shoes fit one;
Several fit one dress and a selection of jewellery.
Fewer would fit when makeup is considered,
And less, when a handbag or other accessories come into play.
Finally only one can be worn to the occasion,
Given the other variables and how she’s feeling that moment.

Certainly then, women need orders of magnitude more shoes than men.
Why they want to live with such complicatedness in the fashion domain is any woman’s guess. Apparently, they don’t have to cope with it. It’s a joy, and training they’ve mastered.

Thinking whether we need them ‘cos we love them, or we love them cause we need them. Or are they just to be loved for what they are or how they might match. Or…. [Gone off topic]


We appreciate our mothers.

With an introduction by the Dalai Lama…
… the book of James.
— A pocket cannon publication.

Interesting that he says that some key ideas in Buddhism are reflected in the book of James. The fact is, a lot of learning in the ‘established’ faiths and their associated teachings simply reflect natural truths; enough of which truths, perhaps, we can access via commonsense and reflection. However, we sometimes need the obvious to be pointed out to us for it to become obvious. And to be reminded severally for it to remain so.

Don’t mothers do that best?
We appreciate our mothers.