The Happiness of Commitment

One of the purest, or truest, expressions of love is commitment. What’s romantic in the modern sense about commitment? Sounds dry compared to passion, and laughter, and fun, and ….
It says in a way that love may not be sweet all the time, but still pleasing, regardless. It agrees that feelings matter, but are not everything. Inside commitment, we find care, respect, knowledge, and responsibility. Foundation for a lifetime of bliss; happiness, if you will.

‘Spanked my children sometimes, yet they run to me every time. Sometimes I feel that they see much more than I could, or would, having grown up and all. I want to be as a kid again. Their eyes are one with their hearts. And the light of love comes out of them so bright that I wonder; I could almost cry for joy for the sight of such beauty. Love is beautiful. I am happy for it.

They see me or their mother changing their diapers in the fellowship of the perfume of ‘pu.’ They see love. We instruct, correct, train, shout, ground, support, hail, carry … And they see love. We go out and come home: it’s all love. I am happy for it.

It was exciting when they met; they could barely keep away from each other for any length of time. They tied the knot, children followed, …. He owned her; she owned him; both of them slaves to their commitment. Where is the love? It is here, in who we are now. I am happy for it.

If we let go of some joys, it was to great joy because it came out of love. We have a new happiness despite the daily grind. It has come with its own excitement and reward. You will see it clearly if you want to be one. It will be ‘easy’ because you are one; there shall be no regrets. Perfect love, the great book says, sets all fears aside. … For you did not receive a spirit of fear, but of power, of love, and of wise discretion. [1 John 4:18, 2 Tim 1:7]

Advertisements

Tough love 

This conflict
tough love
it could go any way
you choose to feel the pain
and to love anyway

That stiff-neck pose
what difference has it made
you know no change
but now you know
it is time to go
for that is love
you have to grow
nothing ties our soul
beyond our vows
the choice we made to die
feelings besides

Silence be not golden

​It only matters 
if you cared  
to turn to 
make tough love
for joy to speak 
in the long run
we hope 
the motive  
was clarity 
it cared to say  
rather than hide 
in plain sight  
that maybe  
and maybe  
silence be not golden 

When He Came To Pick Her Up

So my teen-aged daughter tells me that some guy is coming to pick her up. I say okay, you have a date then? She says it’s not a date, that they’re just going to a birthday party. “Daddy, it’s like friends hanging out, but on the way to a party”. I restrain myself from asking the obvious questions. Let the young man get here first. (I assume he’s a young man.)

Hello. Good afternoon sir. [You’d better call me sir, she’s my daughter. Are you ready for the ten commandments?] Hey there, … [and then a hug]. In my mind, I say okay, still. Come inside young man.

The interview commences [not an interrogation]:
Where are you guys going? ….
How do you know her? How do I know her? “Yes, that was the question.” Do you mean like where we met and stuff? [He waits for a response he wouldn’t get, my eyes told him to just talk. Now he is unsettled. That’s good.]
She’s like into sports so we met on the games field at school ….

Tell me a bit about yourself ….

Why are you here?
Em, I guess Ariel told you that already.
Haha. Now answer the question.
Em, we’re just going to a birthday party together.
Okay, I get that, but why are you here??
To pick her up.
Hmm, I see. But why do you have to be here to pick her up.
She asked me to come here to pick her up. [Good girl!]

See, Edward, she doesn’t need you to pick her up. So, tell me what you’re really thinking, with coming to pick her up. [My wife comes to the living room with water and juice. Offers Ed some juice or water. He got the juice, I got the water. She sits adjacent to us both.] Nothing really sir, Ariel asked me to come. Common, H, you’re making our guest uncomfortable with all your questioning.

Ed, I’m Ariel’s mum, and I’m glad to meet you. Thank you ma’am. What’s up for your date today? Date? If you go to pick a lady up at her house to go somewhere with her, you’re on a date with her, silly. Ariel says no dates, but she doesn’t mind hanging out, and asked that I come to her house. [I looove my daughter.] So I’m here. Give me your parents phone numbers. [Yes, we called both of them.]

Hey, Ed, I’m ready. Let’s go. Hope you enjoyed my parent’s company. What do you think about Dad? [In front of me!] Em, em, em, he’s ve-very, very inquisitive. [We all laugh.] And mum? She’s very pretty, and nice. You’re a smooth one boy. Have fun you two.

Ed, come this way a moment. I know my daughter, but I’ve only just met you. So, you need to know my laws, for you, they’re all proscriptive. [My daughter, I trust her.] Come around some other time when you’re not picking her up, okay? Okay sir. And thou shalt not have her back later than one hour to 7 pm. She’s having dinner with us; our own hangout today.

Ariel! Your daaaadddddd!
I know. [Chuckles.] He’s only mad if you threaten, so don’t worry. And you’ve never told me I was pretty. Imagine, you told my mum not me. That’s a no no no. I’m sorry …. You are very pretty. Prettier than my mum? Ooooo I’m just not going to get into trouble here. Smart of you!

Your dad is very possessive, I think. I’ll tell him you said that. Oh no. That was a lip of tongue! I just thought that your dad could pull a gun on me …. Ed, to be sure, he doesn’t need to, I kill you first if you step on my toes. Em, okay [what have I gotten myself into.]

Who else is coming to the party …

Better Clever than Brilliant

It isn’t the brilliant people that get the best results,
It’s the clever people that do.
Brilliant, is what we are;
Clever, is what we do that is wise.
But, neither, is who we are,
Even though we might be brilliant and/or clever.

If you have to choose between the two,
Choose between the two:
To be both brilliant and clever.
Neither precludes the other;
For both can be learned.

What we do can make us look brilliant, or not so;
What we do is what makes our lives.

It is the job of parents to bring their kids up into cleverness;
It is the job of ‘education’ to help make everyone cleverer;
It is the job of him who can see ‘truthly’ to follow cleverness.

Where is the place for brilliance in life?
Where is the place for brilliance, or beauty, in a ‘good’ life?

Footnote:
I hope the sense of ‘truthly’ makes sense. What ‘normal’ word could’ve been sufficient?

Dialogues of a Certain Mr and Mrs

She came in to music
The tangos that she loves
Lifting her to a high
In the house of her home

He had put them in a playlist
listening and enjoying
The massage of the music
Waiting without waiting
For the wife of his heart

We see
We smile
We talk
We kiss
We hug
We talk
We laugh
We talk
We smile
We dance
We laugh
We talk
We kiss
We kiss
We talk
We laugh
We play

Have u eaten?
Yes. ‘Couldn’t wait, ’twas getting late.
Are u hungry?
Not really,
Snacked on chocolat an hour ago.
Buuuut…
Buuuut?
I would have you though.
Well, I’m in your grip.
Heaven, I know
You know what I mean.

Silence
Silence
A kiss
More silence

The silence of peace
The peace of communion
The communion of spirits
The spirit of marriage
At home in their arms
And in their lives intertwined

It’s 20 years already
That’s so true
You were up quite early. Couldn’t sleep?
Yea
Did I wake you?
You do sleep like a guard
I can’t move in bed without your notice
[Smack]
O O O O hhehehe
It’s unlike you
Aaaaa had a nap yesterday evening
So had to wake up too early

Took more time than usual for my prayers
You were in prayer four hours and more
Haha, well …
We do love HIM
Yes we do
And there was much to be said
Any desire in your heart
I’m one with you in it
We’ll see things unfold in their time
Tell me! Don’t being cryptic
Ooooo it was …. and the usual
Up for more?
My time now
Knackered
That would be later
Have fun

It’s been 30 years
And I’ve never wanted for sweetness from your lips
Your kiss isn’t just a kiss
Your sigh isn’t just a sigh
The fundamental covenant still applies as time goes by

How would I cease to write
When I have you in my soul
Your love stirs my mouth to say these words
Stirs my thoughts to write them down
To speak of your beauty and your charm
Of your heart and your mind
And the quirks that are so just you

How would I cease to speak
When I have inspiration that is you
One whom I love fully
For whom, I died and live truly

The flow of nature is this
Everything running its course
My being and my living revolves around you

You are my joy from God
Mercy and grace to me
Heartmate
Soulmate
Lifemate

Are we going out to dine tonight?
Let’s stay home today
It’s a Saturday!
And the kids might want to give us a surprise of some sort
Hhehehe, no surprise there 🙂
🙂 True 🙂

Our plan is ours to make. Their’s is their’s
They’ll find a way to thrill us I’m sure
You taught them well
We’ll go out tomorrow then

You marry and live for your spouse
You have kids and live for them too

The children, the children
Leave them alone
They’ve left us home alone
I miss them
Me too
But I’ve always missed you more when you were away
We go together then?

Right, we’re not God
Why worry so much
We did do our best
And the gaffes
O God help us
Well, actually, He has

The ball’s in their court now
We can’t stop being parents
The have brains
Sometimes we suspend wisdom
Or don’t know what to do
Like us at different times
Haha, yes
I remember …

You were a little jittery
Dragging your words initially
But I had said yes looong before you asked
You deserve a smack again for waiting so long
It’s a happy day so I’ll do that tomorrow
Our day is 50 years old you know 🙂
Haha, indeed
I love you

Regarding Correction And Punishment

Definitions:

Punishment:- I inflict/permit pain or discomfort on you because someone did something wrong. And you may or may not know that the pain or discomfort is a consequence of what you did, didn’t do, or what someone else did.

Correction:- I show/tell you what you did wrong, why it’s wrong (and perhaps why I’m showing you). And I show/tell you the right, why it’s right (and perhaps why I’m showing you).

Correction follows from the principle that people ought not get away with certain deeds, for their own good, and for the good of society. It assumes that there are positive results for the person and/or society if they are not allowed to get away with unacceptable behaviour or deeds.

Punishment, similarly so, but the wrong person might be paying the price. It has one message: ‘don’t do this again, or else.’ So the objective is deterrence rather than to instil values, even though it might also lead to repentance. It may also serve to satisfy the punisher’s need to assert authority, for the sake of maintaining authority.

Law of effect (in psychology) is the principle that behaviours are selected by their consequences; behaviour having good consequences tends to be repeated whereas behaviour that leads to bad consequences is not repeated. [WordNet® Dictionary]

Ivan Pavlov’s conditioning experiment is a variation on the theme of the law of effect. When we punish or correct, we’re attempting to condition people.

So we can say that ‘Spare the rod and spoil the child’ has sound basis in human psychology. The great book also says that a word is enough for the wise and the rod of correction drives out foolishness. So train up a child in the way he should go, or else …

Training requires, at some point or another, punishment and/or correction. And these are necessarily intertwined with morals—individual or group.

Determining what is the right or the wrong in any situation is another subject. In this though, principles over rules; commonsense over laws. Because, at the very least, one would need much less memory space for commonsense and principles than to store all the do’s and don’ts in the law. This is why ‘love your neighbour as yourself’ answers many questions.

Determining what is appropriate for punishment or correction or whether or not it should be effected or deferred is also another subject.

Is there folly where one chooses to ‘spare the rod’ and talk instead? It all depends. So we can ask when or where the talk, the face, or the tone, is strong enough to effectively motivate a desire for change? Because correction is about change. What might be the response, long term?

Punishment and correction are part of the joys and responsibilities of parenthood. And there comes a time when the parent’s right and ability to use the cane goes to zero. What then? We could always pray, talk from tough love, leave it to the karma principle since we reap what we sow. But we forgive ourselves and move on.

Trivials:
The rod or cane or pankere (Yoruba: pronounced kpankere with ‘a’ as in apple, ‘e’ as in tell, and ‘kp’ as ‘k’ and ‘p’ pronounced at the speed of light one after the other) or ukpokpo (Esan/Bini: pronounced with ‘u’ as in full, ‘o’ as in go, and ‘kp’ as with Yoruba) is not necessarily physical. Just to say the obvious.

Can’t think of an English word with the ‘kp’ sound in Yoruba/Esan…. It’s one sound, and of a similar character to the ‘dg’ sound in judge.