I wanted the girl

I wanted the girl
She was a bird
She would have no perch
For more than a third

I wanted the bird
‘Go with her where she went
To perch anywhere
There to make our nest

I wanted the girl
Smart lioness princess
Let me be your den
And make your soul my rest

I wanted the bird
With me for all our years
Her only perch
Where she made her best

I wanted the girl
She would not rest
She had not let herself
Make our I’s disappear

I wanted the bird
She has the eagles’ crest
‘Made us a pair
And? We’re just friends

Life goes more than breasts
We are creatures of the air
Ethereal
I wanted the girl

Grateful — February 2017

It was the month of love
Now it is gone
Again to come
In a few months

But your love has no bounds
Time and space, irrelevant
Something that shines
Visible on every side
I am grateful for your heart

There were strange dreams
Even this morning
Who to interpret?
I, maybe

There is only good for me
Regardless of what was seen
You will not let fear creep in
Because we think the same things

I am Grateful

That you stand with me with all my crazies
I am Grateful

I could never earn your heart

‘Loyal’ lyrics, sung by Lauren Daigle, with some thoughts and meditations (in parentheses). The song was written by Jason Ingram, Paul Mabury, and Jonas Myrin.

I could never earn Your heart
(Your love came of its will; unconditional)
I could never reach that far
(I am not perfect, and beauty gets old)
But You have pulled me close
(You want me, and have come close)
You’ve never let me go
(You always want me, and you stay close)
I’m safe forever in Your arms
(You hold me, keep me, keep my trust, protect my soul)
Your promises I can not break
(You promised; You keep your promises)
And I know You will never change
(You remain the same, with that constant essence)

Your love is, Your love is
Your love is loyal
Your love is, Your love is
Your love is loyal
More faithful than the rising sun
(Sure as sure can be)
This grace for me I can’t outrun
(I could never get too far gone)
Your love is, Your love is
Your love is loyal

You are always there for me
(Always on my side, helping every time, and rooting for me)
You listen every time I speak
(Everything I have to say matters to you)
You look into my eyes
(I am something to you; you see me)
You see the things I hide
(I am naked before You; You know me inside out)
And say that You will never leave
(You choose to stay, loving me all the same, regardless of anything)
Your promises I can not break
(You said it, and you’ve done it)
And I know You will never change
(I can rely on you; trust your love)

Your love is, Your love is
Your love is loyal
Your love is, Your love is
Your love is loyal
More faithful than the rising sun
(Certain, as certain can be)
This grace for me I can’t outrun
(Your loving-kindness reaches to my depths and limits)
Your love is, Your love is
Your love is loyal

When my world shakes
(‘Shit’ happens, and sometimes I falter)
Your love remains unshaken
(No shaking, Love is not moved)
So constant, so perfect, unwavering
(Unashamed to be with me, raising me)
When my world falls
Your love remains unfailing
(Facing failure and shame, you remain my help and comforter)
So constant, so perfect, unwavering
(unafraid to face my reality; you are with me while I grow, as I grow, making me grow)
So constant, so perfect, unwavering
(Your love is always with me, for me, for you)

Your love is, Your love is
Your love is loyal
Your love is, Your love is
Your love is loyal
More faithful than the rising sun
(steady, stable, and loyal to me and your word)
This grace for me I can’t outrun
(Your love is active; follows, stays, persists with me )
Your love is, Your love is
Your love is loyal

Loyal

The Happiness of Commitment

One of the purest, or truest, expressions of love is commitment. What’s romantic in the modern sense about commitment? Sounds dry compared to passion, and laughter, and fun, and ….
It says in a way that love may not be sweet all the time, but still pleasing, regardless. It agrees that feelings matter, but are not everything. Inside commitment, we find care, respect, knowledge, and responsibility. Foundation for a lifetime of bliss; happiness, if you will.

‘Spanked my children sometimes, yet they run to me every time. Sometimes I feel that they see much more than I could, or would, having grown up and all. I want to be as a kid again. Their eyes are one with their hearts. And the light of love comes out of them so bright that I wonder; I could almost cry for joy for the sight of such beauty. Love is beautiful. I am happy for it.

They see me or their mother changing their diapers in the fellowship of the perfume of ‘pu.’ They see love. We instruct, correct, train, shout, ground, support, hail, carry … And they see love. We go out and come home: it’s all love. I am happy for it.

It was exciting when they met; they could barely keep away from each other for any length of time. They tied the knot, children followed, …. He owned her; she owned him; both of them slaves to their commitment. Where is the love? It is here, in who we are now. I am happy for it.

If we let go of some joys, it was to great joy because it came out of love. We have a new happiness despite the daily grind. It has come with its own excitement and reward. You will see it clearly if you want to be one. It will be ‘easy’ because you are one; there shall be no regrets. Perfect love, the great book says, sets all fears aside. … For you did not receive a spirit of fear, but of power, of love, and of wise discretion. [1 John 4:18, 2 Tim 1:7]

Will her tummy not go back in?

He being the only one to behold and ‘appreciate’ the whole natural glory of her body, there might have been a feeling of resignation in his words, “I am stuck with the daily sight of this awesome woman whether or not she retains her shape after childbirth.”

Yet this same man, if not his wife, would likely be wanting another baby in about three years. And both their parents might ask questions if their second grandchild from the couple appears to be coming late. Three years is late already. 

The times are changing though.

But what does a man do if his wife ceases to be eye candy for him in the sense of eye candy, lust apart.

Now he doesn’t mind his wife getting fatter or fleshier (he is properly African, afterall), it’s just the protruding tummy. A little is okay, but not ‘that’ much. Yes, he knows he’s going nowhere, and that, by principle; hence, the sign of resignation in his jocular lament. 

Is there more for him to do than to encourage her nicely and out of love…. He has settled with the plot he chose to build his home in, like a real, mature, man on that front. Even if he married her for her body, he is married to her, and that counts for everything. Commitment is love.

I hope it is not that you are comparing your wife with other women. There’s no basis for comparison really: she’s the wife, so the others are not. Besides, their bodies and  histories are different. Ah, he just wants his hottie back (as if she had been away).

But what does a woman do, think, say. Particularly if ‘the one’ is almost making a fuss? Maybe he’s not.

He still likes you to look pretty that way in his eyes. Throwing tantrums like a spoilt child. He is crying over spilled milk, you don’t have to join him. Things would go from good to bad if you felt sorry and sad for what came beside that bundle of joy, your baby. And what if the fattening came by itself? Haha, the blessing of marriage. It is something to laugh about.

You have a little belly sir. I know. It’s nice, isn’t it. My wife loves to rub it. Hmm, why don’t you rub hers? …It doesn’t work both ways man. That’s like stand the earth on its head; unimaginable.

He wants you; only you. Not some other woman, however flat-bellied, tight and shapely, well-sized where it matters, fresh looking, and totally tantalising in a bikini she might look. Em, okay, I’d like think that that is true. It’s comforting at the very least.

But he looked … Haha, you would catch some men giving mannequins a second look. Not funny though, if it happens more than once. He might be trekking towards losing the plot, so a smack and a reminder might be helpful. Whack! What? “I’m helping you stay focused on what matters: me.” He has a sense of serious humour.

So some women delay marriage and childbirth because of ‘fashion.’ …. Some opt out entirely. A friend says she wants only one, for whatever reason. Many others say ‘what the heck’ and trudge on, walking barefeet and free. 

Her home is now a gym, because biology often needs help. Regardless, he’s a pillar that will always be there. Kind of like God in a way. I love you; I know it everyday.

A love-hate-love relationship

First you loved her, then you hated her. And then again you loved her, and hated her after that, even more so a little later. Then you loved her again, coming to hate her eventually some time later. And finally, you loved her, accepting your choice.

At first it was easy, then it became a little challenging, slowing you down. A little later with a spurt of will, you picked up pace and continued, seeking to be diligent, but it got harder. It demanded persistence and you gave it that, until you hit a brick wall and got quenched. You came back again to climb over the wall in a breakthrough, going on for a while and slowly getting weary. Finally you let go and say, “I love you anyways.”