[What creatures are these?]
We call them ‘hoomans’. There are different species, by skin colour and hair characteristics among other traits; they group themselves in regions, although there has been some mixing.
[Tell me more.]
Yes indeed. Our explorers chanced upon them 5000 years ago and we’ve been studying them since.
[By the way, have you interacted with them before?]
Sir, remember that our policy is to be noninvasive, at first. This is because we want first to have enough information to be able to predict their collective, and every individual, response to us, our society and our worldview.
[Where are we on that?]
There are issues. Their behaviour is not uniform across regions and species; likewise within regions and species. It appears there’s a programming such that anyone can adopt any behaviour, at any time, and for no determinable reason; they say it is ‘free will’, an absolute volition.
They are also of two kinds, one particularly special because other hoomans can come out of ‘har’—a kind of reproduction. Those special ones we call ‘wimen’, in general. On average, they reproduce randomly and frequently, probably because they don’t live long in general. It appears that they have to make new hoomans more often so that they don’t die out. A hundred and twenty years is a very old age to them. Most of them don’t get there, but that hasn’t always been the case and we can’t really tell what changed. We indeed need to be isolated from them and we need to know how interaction with us will affect their lives and living.
[What initiates their reproduction? How is it that some body can come out of somebody?]
The have what they call ‘sekshuaal intacus’ between the kinds; one kind, the one we call mana-hooman, places a protruding part of his body inside one of the senior wimen and deposits something inside her. The wimena-hooman has an orifice to receive the mana-hooman’s middle protrusion. Apparently it is something they enjoy doing whether or not it leads to new hoomans which we have called ‘babi-hooman’. Additionally, we noticed inter-species coupling. We find that interesting. There are also anomalous intercourses: pseudo-intercourse behaviours between the same kind that naturally leads to nothing by design. They will all die out eventually if they all assumed such anomalous behaviour exclusively.
[Tell me more about interspecies relations]
Perhaps the most interesting thing is that over the five millennia that we’ve been watching them, we have observed, sporadically and severally, seasons when they eliminate one another at various scales by various means. But note that this has occurred both between species and within species. We find this both intriguing and confusing.
Sir, let me just tell you that our scientists have decided that we cannot assuredly always predict their behaviour, particularly on a microscopic and individual scale; they can be both consistently inconsistent and inconsistently consistent.
[Because we need to know how each and every individual will relate with us and their kin if we choose to interact with them, we shall find a way to kill the freeness of their wills and the apparent randomness in their volition. Screw policy.]