Will her tummy not go back in?

He being the only one to behold and ‘appreciate’ the whole natural glory of her body, there might have been a feeling of resignation in his words, “I am stuck with the daily sight of this awesome woman whether or not she retains her shape after childbirth.”

Yet this same man, if not his wife, would likely be wanting another baby in about three years. And both their parents might ask questions if their second grandchild from the couple appears to be coming late. Three years is late already. 

The times are changing though.

But what does a man do if his wife ceases to be eye candy for him in the sense of eye candy, lust apart.

Now he doesn’t mind his wife getting fatter or fleshier (he is properly African, afterall), it’s just the protruding tummy. A little is okay, but not ‘that’ much. Yes, he knows he’s going nowhere, and that, by principle; hence, the sign of resignation in his jocular lament. 

Is there more for him to do than to encourage her nicely and out of love…. He has settled with the plot he chose to build his home in, like a real, mature, man on that front. Even if he married her for her body, he is married to her, and that counts for everything. Commitment is love.

I hope it is not that you are comparing your wife with other women. There’s no basis for comparison really: she’s the wife, so the others are not. Besides, their bodies and  histories are different. Ah, he just wants his hottie back (as if she had been away).

But what does a woman do, think, say. Particularly if ‘the one’ is almost making a fuss? Maybe he’s not.

He still likes you to look pretty that way in his eyes. Throwing tantrums like a spoilt child. He is crying over spilled milk, you don’t have to join him. Things would go from good to bad if you felt sorry and sad for what came beside that bundle of joy, your baby. And what if the fattening came by itself? Haha, the blessing of marriage. It is something to laugh about.

You have a little belly sir. I know. It’s nice, isn’t it. My wife loves to rub it. Hmm, why don’t you rub hers? …It doesn’t work both ways man. That’s like stand the earth on its head; unimaginable.

He wants you; only you. Not some other woman, however flat-bellied, tight and shapely, well-sized where it matters, fresh looking, and totally tantalising in a bikini she might look. Em, okay, I’d like think that that is true. It’s comforting at the very least.

But he looked … Haha, you would catch some men giving mannequins a second look. Not funny though, if it happens more than once. He might be trekking towards losing the plot, so a smack and a reminder might be helpful. Whack! What? “I’m helping you stay focused on what matters: me.” He has a sense of serious humour.

So some women delay marriage and childbirth because of ‘fashion.’ …. Some opt out entirely. A friend says she wants only one, for whatever reason. Many others say ‘what the heck’ and trudge on, walking barefeet and free. 

Her home is now a gym, because biology often needs help. Regardless, he’s a pillar that will always be there. Kind of like God in a way. I love you; I know it everyday.

Don’t use protection …

Following a misdirected thought, the phrase, ‘use protection,’ started sounding like a call to arms. 

And it is easy, with childlike imagination, to think that contraceptives are evil, with that kind of phrase. Kids are smart that way, and kids love kids.  

So don’t use protection. Please.  
A friendlier term, given the need for children, is ‘use prevention,’ even with the interesting attendant pun. Kids like nice and friendly. But prevention still speaks of ew.

‘Use control’ sounds much better, and smarter too. Because it speaks to the purpose of protection; which is what we really mean.  

Roll out the propaganda machine and spread the news: use control.

Duty: A way to the lasting marriage

Recently, I watched a PragerU video love needs laughs. It talked about the helpfulness of shared laughter in ensuring long-term marital survival; which got me thinking again about some African marriages that lasted with little of this great ingredient and others like intimacy etc.

It seems to come down to duty. Beyond the duty of a wife to her husband, and of a wife, being a wife; and beyond also the duty of a husband to his wife (or wives), and of a husband, being the husband, there is the duty to self that says that ‘I am married.’ This is at the root of the duty to marriage that serves to keep the family regardless of many imperfections.

Of the various motivations (cultural, religious etc) to make marriages work, this imbibed ideal is key to keeping marriages. It is easy to imagine that more fundamental motivations need to be at work for arranged marriages to work. While they don’t always work, one still wonders why a lot of them do. And I think it is about a certain perspective of duty to ones married status, and not just to ones marriage.

There is nothing about pride or shame in it; it’s just about an ideal that is accepted as ideal, and thus performed. For many couples, they keep it through many pains. And when they get too old, they look back with whatever emotions they choose to hold, satisfied at the very least that they kept the ideal, without necessarily realizing that self-pat on the back.

PS: incomplete thoughts

We are the result of information processing

So there was some information processing within and between a certain man and a certain woman: as a result, you were born. 

Hence, we are information embodied. 

Who we are;  
What we become;  
How we act;  
What we will do;  
All that is information,  
And the result of information processing.  

Pictures of a Woman

Spirit and essence
Not as that of a man
Salient presence
With the mammary glands

Mother nature
You contain man
Soul Incubator
No woman, no child

She has that pose
Ornament of adipose
Hips, laps, and smile
Equal of man
And his drug
Spirited poetry
All she is and does
Her walk and words

Gathering potential
As a glacier
Into an avalanche
Superheated steam
And a calm
She wells deep within
Volcano in rapture
Lava passion

He may be stronger
But she can talk
Argue with her?
She has oral brawn

Bones that are different
That she walks in sways
That makes man praise
The vision of her
Saying that this is she
“Flesh of my flesh,” maybe
Stranger, sister, mother
We hail your Maker

Plain Talk Wahala: Brow Makeup

So I walk into the room where a few ladies where gathered doing and talking lady stuff. Specifically, makeup; more specifically, brow makeup. Proud of the work she was doing, she asked what I thought. I didn’t fancy the style of it so I said so, in many words. We were free like that and it wasn’t condemning in any way (I’d like to think). She loved her creation, her ‘model’ wanted it; they continued. Our talk tapered off.

Things happen. Time passes. Scene changes, slightly.

Not long later, in the same room, on my own, on one side, swiping, typing, and tapping. A new model who just got her brows made up, stood up proudly and asked what I thought. O my! This time, for whatever reason, I got tongue tied. She stood there looking at me waiting for some affirmation, I thought. I was like, ‘how am I going to say this.’ So I asked someone else who was there when I made the comment about what you might call ‘squared-edge brows’: should I say anything? She then turned to my inquiring friend and told her plainly that she didn’t really want to hear what I thought. That ended the awkwardness that was building. God bless her.

There are teenagers that keep things going smoothly when adults temporarily freeze. Thank you so much. And should I simply have said that it looked okay?

Anyway, the plain word doesn’t always seem to need be said plainly or explicitly.


Wahala, in one view, is a cross between trouble and problem.