I wanted the girl

I wanted the girl
She was a bird
She would have no perch
For more than a third

I wanted the bird
‘Go with her where she went
To perch anywhere
There to make our nest

I wanted the girl
Smart lioness princess
Let me be your den
And make your soul my rest

I wanted the bird
With me for all our years
Her only perch
Where she made her best

I wanted the girl
She would not rest
She had not let herself
Make our I’s disappear

I wanted the bird
She has the eagles’ crest
‘Made us a pair
And? We’re just friends

Life goes more than breasts
We are creatures of the air
Ethereal
I wanted the girl

A ​Hierarchy of Happiness

‘Was chatting with a friend about happiness some time ago. So I thought to reflect on why we get happy, and why our happiness might persist. This piece tries to addresses the first question directly.  

I identify four kinds of happiness, speak of a happiness personality test, and end with a hierarchy of happiness (Maslow style). I’ve used happiness here as the pleasant emotional sensation or feeling that comes with, and because of gratification or the anticipation of it.  

The happiness for enjoyment:- Because of activity and participation; as getting a fix. E.g travelling, dancing, knitting, drugs, sex, drink, sports, games, marriage, etc.  

Could she still be happy without enjoyments?  

The happiness for possession:- Because I received, have, or own some one or some thing. E.g, cars, connection(s), gifts, girlfriends, friends, boyfriends, experiences checked off the checklist, celebrity status, spouse, friend, degrees, trophies, houses, etc.  

Could she still be happy without possessions and enjoyments?  

The happiness for events:- Because something that pleased you happened. E.g. birthdays, weddings, news of passing exams, visitors, and general good news, D. Trump wins? etc.  

Could she still be happy without pleasant outcomes, possessions and enjoyments?  

The happiness for achievement:- Because I finished or was rewarded. E.g. degrees, awards, promotion, meeting goals, hitting targets, putting your kids through school, marriage, wedding, etc.  

Could she still be happy without achievements, pleasant news, possessions, and enjoyments?  

Looking at our happinesses, which of these four has supplied most of them at various periods in our lives. 

According to your lifestyle, if you were to rank these in order of power, permanence, or personal significance, how would you arrange them — top to bottom. That tells us where we are, in a way. Or, perhaps, where we might want to ‘improve.’ Like a happiness personality test.  

Why did we order them the way we did? Nature, or nurture? I’d say that nurture started it all, with ‘life happening’ as an accomplice, and volition plastering it on nature. 

Finally, considering the foregoing, and following the pattern of Maslow’s hierarchy or needs, here is my hierarchy of happiness. (First choice: PosEvAchEn; second choice: PoAchEvEn.) The first choice, in order of need:  

Possessions:- Happy for what you have, that you have, or that you are. 

Events:- Happy that some thing happened.  

Achievements:- Happy that you made something happen.  

Enjoyments:- Happy that you participated in something that tickled you.  

Pressure Points

Addiction
Care
Conscience
Desire
Esteem
Foolishness
Greed
Happiness
Humour
Hunger
Knowledge
Loneliness
Longing
Love
Mania
Naïveté
Nonchalance
Pain
Passion
Perfectionism
Phobia
Pride
Respect
Responsibility
Righteousness
Simplicity
Survival
Temper
Thirst
Wisdom

The Happiness of Commitment

One of the purest, or truest, expressions of love is commitment. What’s romantic in the modern sense about commitment? Sounds dry compared to passion, and laughter, and fun, and ….
It says in a way that love may not be sweet all the time, but still pleasing, regardless. It agrees that feelings matter, but are not everything. Inside commitment, we find care, respect, knowledge, and responsibility. Foundation for a lifetime of bliss; happiness, if you will.

‘Spanked my children sometimes, yet they run to me every time. Sometimes I feel that they see much more than I could, or would, having grown up and all. I want to be as a kid again. Their eyes are one with their hearts. And the light of love comes out of them so bright that I wonder; I could almost cry for joy for the sight of such beauty. Love is beautiful. I am happy for it.

They see me or their mother changing their diapers in the fellowship of the perfume of ‘pu.’ They see love. We instruct, correct, train, shout, ground, support, hail, carry … And they see love. We go out and come home: it’s all love. I am happy for it.

It was exciting when they met; they could barely keep away from each other for any length of time. They tied the knot, children followed, …. He owned her; she owned him; both of them slaves to their commitment. Where is the love? It is here, in who we are now. I am happy for it.

If we let go of some joys, it was to great joy because it came out of love. We have a new happiness despite the daily grind. It has come with its own excitement and reward. You will see it clearly if you want to be one. It will be ‘easy’ because you are one; there shall be no regrets. Perfect love, the great book says, sets all fears aside. … For you did not receive a spirit of fear, but of power, of love, and of wise discretion. [1 John 4:18, 2 Tim 1:7]

A déjà vu speaks…

Ever had the recollection that made you think “I’ve been here before,” having the experience that a scene in your life was on replay for a few moments. Did it feel like you had a vision and it just came to pass? You had seen the future, and knew it only after knowing it.

Yes, the experience was real, to you, but the reason is psychological; it’s a kind of self delusion where one anticipates the ability to see the future subconsciously. [But that’s not going to do for an explanation. What, particularly, tickles one to have the experience, and what determines when or if it happens for any individual? …] There certainly are known unknowns, but the answers don’t change anything.

Trash all that, I had the experience and I know it’s real; it isn’t any delusion. I saw some scene in my future before I experienced it. You can’t just explain it away and blame me on top of it. [You’re in denial ma’am.] Like, seriously?

Pause.

Déjà vu’s say that a specific kind of time travel is possible.
That we can see the future makes prophecy not implausible.
And the future is (or can be) known exactly,
by some one,
or someone.
Human beings have the faculty to perceive the yet to be.
Or, perhaps, even be able to originate this
and follow through (like God):
guiding randomness towards a certain order.

So the randomness in life may be called into question. Materialism, certainly, becomes questionable. And causality (physical, volitional…) has another dimension emphasised: spiritual causality? Fate, destiny, becomes a convolution of action, and some ‘divine’ ordination; it seems fixed, but is it really. We have volition—like God. Yet volition is complicit in the fate that was seen after it was quietly told.

Information, Certainty, and Behaviour

Gregory Bateson would say that information is the ‘difference that makes a difference.’ So we could say/see that judges in shows like Xfactor, Project fame, et al, receive information from the differences (shows) created by the contestants. And there are differences between the differences so that they have information to receive and judge.

You have received something from every difference that makes a difference to you: information.

Practically, judgement is information processing information to produce information. And a lot (if not all) of the manifestations of self (behaviour) come from previous judgements. So that change is possible with the right information processed correctly.

A bit more technically, information is the reduction in uncertainty. This is easy to picture: how certain are you that what he meant to say by what he said, was what you interpreted from what you heard. The larger the reduction in uncertainty, the more information you received (as opposed to noise, or confusion), and the more correctly certain you (think you) are.

To have information is thus to have accepted certainty about a particular reality or perception.

There is a mantra that says something like, ‘get feedback to get clarity.’ Indeed, the main reason for feedback is to ensure the correctness of our eventual perception cum certainty. Fundamentally, we seek feedback for certainty. This is important because certainties are at the core of our psychology, hence, of our experience of reality, and behaviour.

To summarise: information gets transformed into our certainties, and our certainties result in our behaviour. Every movement is motivated by information, and produces information. And every action, tangible or otherwise, is a statement of certainties.