When He Came To Pick Her Up

So my teen-aged daughter tells me that some guy is coming to pick her up. I say okay, you have a date then? She says it’s not a date, that they’re just going to a birthday party. “Daddy, it’s like friends hanging out, but on the way to a party”. I restrain myself from asking the obvious questions. Let the young man get here first. (I assume he’s a young man.)

Hello. Good afternoon sir. [You’d better call me sir, she’s my daughter. Are you ready for the ten commandments?] Hey there, … [and then a hug]. In my mind, I say okay, still. Come inside young man.

The interview commences [not an interrogation]:
Where are you guys going? ….
How do you know her? How do I know her? “Yes, that was the question.” Do you mean like where we met and stuff? [He waits for a response he wouldn’t get, my eyes told him to just talk. Now he is unsettled. That’s good.]
She’s like into sports so we met on the games field at school ….

Tell me a bit about yourself ….

Why are you here?
Em, I guess Ariel told you that already.
Haha. Now answer the question.
Em, we’re just going to a birthday party together.
Okay, I get that, but why are you here??
To pick her up.
Hmm, I see. But why do you have to be here to pick her up.
She asked me to come here to pick her up. [Good girl!]

See, Edward, she doesn’t need you to pick her up. So, tell me what you’re really thinking, with coming to pick her up. [My wife comes to the living room with water and juice. Offers Ed some juice or water. He got the juice, I got the water. She sits adjacent to us both.] Nothing really sir, Ariel asked me to come. Common, H, you’re making our guest uncomfortable with all your questioning.

Ed, I’m Ariel’s mum, and I’m glad to meet you. Thank you ma’am. What’s up for your date today? Date? If you go to pick a lady up at her house to go somewhere with her, you’re on a date with her, silly. Ariel says no dates, but she doesn’t mind hanging out, and asked that I come to her house. [I looove my daughter.] So I’m here. Give me your parents phone numbers. [Yes, we called both of them.]

Hey, Ed, I’m ready. Let’s go. Hope you enjoyed my parent’s company. What do you think about Dad? [In front of me!] Em, em, em, he’s ve-very, very inquisitive. [We all laugh.] And mum? She’s very pretty, and nice. You’re a smooth one boy. Have fun you two.

Ed, come this way a moment. I know my daughter, but I’ve only just met you. So, you need to know my laws, for you, they’re all proscriptive. [My daughter, I trust her.] Come around some other time when you’re not picking her up, okay? Okay sir. And thou shalt not have her back later than one hour to 7 pm. She’s having dinner with us; our own hangout today.

Ariel! Your daaaadddddd!
I know. [Chuckles.] He’s only mad if you threaten, so don’t worry. And you’ve never told me I was pretty. Imagine, you told my mum not me. That’s a no no no. I’m sorry …. You are very pretty. Prettier than my mum? Ooooo I’m just not going to get into trouble here. Smart of you!

Your dad is very possessive, I think. I’ll tell him you said that. Oh no. That was a lip of tongue! I just thought that your dad could pull a gun on me …. Ed, to be sure, he doesn’t need to, I kill you first if you step on my toes. Em, okay [what have I gotten myself into.]

Who else is coming to the party …